Where No Troll Has Gone Before
by Magigoomba
Summary: Kirk and Spock visit a dangerous planet where death and treachery are the norm. Can they stop the evil Condesce and save the troll race?


where no troll has gone b4

so one day the enterprise was floating thru space. kirk was like "oh look a planet." "spock do you think we should go there." continued kirk. then spock responed "we should search for signs of alien life." so they did. they found a picture of what looked like a human...BUT IT WAS GREY. "why is it grey" said kirk. spock said "because." kirk said "oh."

they decided to land. they landed in the town square. there were a bunch of trolls standing around and they all got ANGRY. kirk stepped out of the door first followed by spock. then came scotty and mr. sulu and the lady (i forgot her name.) the trolls walked up and killed scotty, mr sulu, and the lady. they cornered spock and kirk. one of them pulled out a sickle and cut spocks hand. they saw he had blue blood and they were like WHOA. come with us they said.

they took spock off to who knows where. kirk was just standing there dumbfounded. suddenly he heard a voice. "HEY NUMBSKULL. WHY IN THE EVERLIVING (poopy word) ARE YOU PINK? DID YOU TAKE A BATH IN PINK LEMONADE? WHAT PERSON IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD DO SOMETHING SO STUPID?" kirk turned around and saw a troll kid. "what is your name, kid?" said kirk. the kid said "I'M KARKAT VANTAS, AND I'D APPRECIATE IF YOU WOULD EXPLAIN YOUR BIZARRE SKIN COLOR AND LACK OF HORNS." kirk was confused 'cause he don't got horns. he said "thats an alien thing. im not an alien. sorry."

karkat was mad. which is a given, but still. he started to grit his teeth at kirk. he knew how savage the trolls were, but he thought the kid wouldnt hurt him. he reached his hand out to karkat, but karkat bit his hand off. "hey man my hand" said kirk. a substantial amount of blood fell out o' his socket. karkat looked at the blood and was shocked.

meanwhile, spock was in a big house. "this is your new home, highblood," said a beat-up lookin' troll. spock said "this gesture seems friendly in nature, but i have to wonder what your motive is for your actions." the troll responded "let me show you around." he took spock to a machine. the troll smiled. "this is where the magic happens." said the troll. spock responded "what is this magic that you speak so highly of." the troll said "THIS" and shoved spock in a machine.

"what is happening? what are you doing to me?" said spock. the troll responded "turning you into GRUB SAUCE." spock was shocked. "y'see, mr. human," said the troll. "vulcan, actually." said spock. "oh." said the troll. he continued "y'see, mr. vulcan, people love grub sauce, and they pay more if the blood is blue. and that happens to be your blood color! say, does your whole species share this color?" spock couldn't tell a lie. "yeah." "i mean affirmative." spock watched the troll. he grabbed a walkie talkie and whispered something in a foreign language. suddenly, the door bursted down.

kirk was there, and karkat was behind them. they held their weapons towards the kidnapper. "give up, we got you!," said kirk. "WE CAN ALL SEE THAT." responded karkat. the troll put his hands up and karkat chopped his head off with his sickle. "what did you do THAT for?" said kirk. karkat responded "OH, I'M SORRY. DO YOU NOT KNOW *ANYTHING* ABOUT TROLL CULTURE?" kirk said "no but it seems pretty freaky." karkat said "YEAH, I GUESS IT IS." kirk pointed his laser gun at the machine. he shot it and it EXPLODED. spock flew out. he was okay. "that was somewhat painful." said spock. "now we should most likely leave this planet."

they went to the ship and got in. the ship began to fly. it went up and away into space. kirk started to write a captains log, but he saw a ship. it looked like it had a trident on the front. "uh oh" said kirk. "spock, get a signal on that ship." spock responded "the inhabitants of the ship consist of the grey aliens, who appear to be called trolls. the ship seems not to be going towards us." kirk wondered where it was going. he looked up planets in his direct vincinity. there were a few. but one stood out: VULCAN PLANET. (i forgot the name. is it vulcan? i dont know.) "we need to follow that ship" said kirk. suddenly, it turned around. a cannon appeared on top of the ship and shot at the enterprise. it vanished

it reappeared in a big room, which spock deduced was inside the ship they were observing. two troll soldiers forced them out of the enterprise. they were in front of a throne. the lady at the throne had really big hair. "YO IM THE CONDESCE" said the condesce. by the way the condesce is the girl with the big hair. i thought that would be hard to get so i explained it a bit right there. anyway spock said "what is it that you wish to do with us?" the condesce said "keepin you away from the prize, the vulcan planet. everyone has blue blood there, thats some GOOD GRUB SAUCE"

then spock remembered. "i believe that planet is now gone." the condesce said "oh. well damn. come on boys, lets back this up." the soldiers appeared again and pointed their spears at kirk and spock. "but WHY?" said kirk. the condesce replied "cuz you know 2 much." kirk said "oh." they were cornered.

suddenly, karkat burst out of the enterprise. "what are you doing here?" said spock. "I STOWED ALONG. I REALIZED WHAT YOU WERE SAYING ABOUT HOW VIOLENT OUR PLANET IS, AND I UNDERSTAND NOW. TROLL CULTURE IS FLAWED! DOWN WITH THE CONDESCE!" everyone else started chanting it EVEN THE SOLDIERS. the condesce tried to escape but she tripped over her hair. then she got skewered.

the trolls rejoiced. their cruel leader was no more. "thank you karkat" said kirk. "im glad we could help you out." karkat said "OH, IT'S NO PROBLEM. NOW GET THE (iffy word) OUT OF MY FACE." kirk and spock waved to karkat as they walked back to the enterprise. they were warped back to space.

as they floated in space, kirk said "our entire crew got killed." spock said "yes, but we saved an entire alien race." kirk said "you stink." spock said "but i just took a shower." then they both had a good laugh.

THE END 


End file.
